Judy Lief

Customer Reviews

It's Not What You Think It Is - Death or Lief's book., October 29, 2001
Reviewer: A reader from New York, NY US

I started reading this book shortly after the death of my step-father and my mother's being diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. As I joined my siblings to help our mother deal with the death of her husband, and to help her adjust to the knowledge of her own condition, I used this book to keep me from getting lost in a whirlpool of thoughts and feelings that would have been of no help to anyone.

I would read the book and see exactly where the things Lief discusses in her work could be applied in my own situation. I tested it, on the spot. It works. There's no magic to this book, no secret code to it. Don't be put off by the fact that it's a "Buddhist" guide...you could be Catholic, Hindu, Muslim or Jewish, from any walk of life, any race or creed, on any spiritual path, and still benefit tremendously from this book.

You don't necessarily have to be "dying" or standing next to someone who's dying to benefit from the book as well. It's really a book for people who are living, moment-to-moment, in the vulnerable awareness of death as a fact of life, something not to be avoided, but met, befriended.

Lief has a simple, direct way of speaking about the dying and those who are near to them, caring for them, as they are dying. She has the kind of light touch and sense of humor (at specific points) that indicate the true depth and intensity of her point of view. There is a warmth throughout the work that gives you a sense that she's not in some ivory tower somewhere "thinking" about the best way for people to handle death. Neither is she in a cave in Tibet "having dreams and visions" about it. You get the sense, as you read the work, that she's standing right next to you, helping you to work your way through your own situation. I never felt, as I read the book, that she was an outsider looking in on my situation.

It's a good book for people going through transitions of any sort whatsoever. People aren't the only things that die. Relationships, jobs, dreams, institutions, ideas...all these things die too and in a very subtle way, Lief's book helps us to deal with the death (and birth) of these things too.

Something about this book makes you feel very connected to life.

Thank you Ms. Lief for writing this book., October 20, 2001
Reviewer: A reader from New York, NY United States

I started reading this book when I was informed that my step-father had died, that my mother had advanced lung cancer and would probably have to move into a nursing home. Shortly after this news my city, New York, lost thousands of lives in the terrorist attacks. My country is currently dealing with the shock and horror, the confusion and chaos of death in so many ways. Death doesn't just happen to those who die...it happens to all of us. Don't we know that now? So... given that fact, how are we going to deal with death?

Thank God or Buddha or the interdependent origination of all things or WHATEVER for this book. If you are someone or know of someone who is dying or has recently had someone in your life die or if you are someone who feels that the ONE BIG FEAR underneath all your other fears is the fear of death...well my friend, get this book, sit down, read it and don't be surprised if you find yourself WAKING UP in big, big way.

Part of the genius of this book is its simplicity. Another amazing aspect of this book is that, while it's primarily about being present for and being of service to the dying person, it's also about dealing with any kind of "death" or "loss" or "change" or "transition" you could think of. I've been able to walk through the past few months of my life with a great deal of clarity and compassion thanks to this book. It has helped me as a son and brother to be supportive of my mother as well as my brother and sister in dealing with our Mom's situation...as a teacher and citizen of New York City this book has helped me to move out of the cocoon of my own self-centered fear-based thinking and actually live through the "fear" of death, not allowing the terrorists or my own neurotic mind to degrade the value of life by counting on my "fear" of death in any way or shape whatsoever.

Ms. Lief is the real thing. She walks the talk in this book. Buddhists believe that 49 days after the death of a person a specific Buddhist prayer service must be done in order to continue helping the souls of those who have died. I've recently read that she'll be participating in such a service for all those who died on Sept. 11, 2001. This service will be done a short distance away from where the World Trade Center towers collapsed.

Not too many people know about that because so much of what Ms. Lief is about is based on the idea of attraction rather than promotion. For that matter how the hell does one promote a book about making friends with death? In our world, where such realities like sickness, old age and death are hard for us to accept unless such facts of life are "in our faces" most people would shun such a book. But in these sad times of death, of threat and attack, I find this book to be the most important reading I've done in a long time.

It's really not about death at all... I'm sorry for giving the secret away Ms. Lief, it's about facing life with courage and dignity, with a clear mind and a vulnerable heart. Death is part of life...and Ms. Lief helps us to make friends with it as we continue to live our lives as happily, joyfully and freely (free from fear) as possible!!

Making Friends with Death, March 28, 2001
Reviewer: Nealy Zimmermann from New Haven, CT USA

This is an excellent down to earth guide to the various issues surrounding death. The first section is entitled "Cultivating a personal awareness of death." Many analogies and examples that we can all relate to are given about our views of the subject. Simple exercises at the end of each chapter give the reader a chance to illuminate his or her views. Meditation practice is introduced as a tool to make friends with ourselves and to settle our minds. Then contemplation of death is introduced to help us face death and change with equanimity and to develop a reverence for life. The second section is entitled "Opening our Heart". Here Lief describes how the simplicity of death cuts through our superfluous concerns and opens. The various descriptions of dysfunctional compassion are the best I've seen anywhere and worth it for all of us to check out. The final section is practical advise in the form of "slogans" or reminders to help us when we are actually working with a dying person. This is a book that is useful at any time in one's life so that when one does encounter death, be it one's own or a close friend or relative, one is able to respond with composure and kindness.

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